Sometimes it happens this way. I was having trouble getting to sleep, so I decided I needed some hot chocolate and a bad movie. So I brought up Amazon Prime Video on the Roku and found this one. I was trying to decide whether it was a bad movie. Then I read the title.
Yes, a likely candidate. It’s Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader, from 2012. If you;re guessing this is going to feature a load of T&A, then come sit at the head of the class. Hey, the title sequence is worth the price, alone. There is a cute song that makes a lot of use of the word “attack” and some gyrating silhouettes of cheerleader-grade material.
From Wikipedia, here is a partial cast list:
- Jena Sims as Cassie Stratford
- Sean Young as Brenda Stratford
- Treat Williams as Mr. Gray
- Sasha Jackson as Jett
- Olivia Alexander as Brittany Andrews
- Ryan Merriman as Kyle
- Ted Raimi as Dr. Higgs
- Anne McDaniels as Tiff
- Mary Woronov as House Mother
- Paula Trickey as Ex-Cheerleader
- AJ Lamas as Brandon
- Brent Huff as Announcer
- John Landis as Professor White
- Roger Corman as Dean Hinkle
So we open with, what else, some cheerleader tryouts, 100% dominated by head leader Brittany Andrews. She may feel the need to be extra bitchy and confrontational due to not being as tall others. Those others would include the bookish Cassie Stratford, who rises from the stands, eager to go for the squad.
Of course Brittany mocks her and heaps humiliation. Cassie goes back to her part time job working in the college research medical lab. Mr. Gray represents a concern that is funding research into ways to improve beauty without employing surgery. He asks the crucial question that has haunted science for centuries, does this stuff work for tits? As everybody knows, the predominance of plastic surgery has to do with women’s tits. We soon find out.
More campus life. Cassie seeks entry into the exclusive (why?) Zeta Mu sorority. There are the hazing rituals. People, are you sure this kind of thing is not just made up?
Cassie decides she needs some enhancement to help her make the squad. She goes to the lab. She pulls out a syringe of the magic compound. She injects.
Oops! Some drips onto the floor. Oops! There is a spider. This will not go well.
Cassie sees improvement in short order. We all appreciate it.
Brittany is sorority bitch hyperbole.
More eye candy for Steve.
The spider menace.
Skip a bunch of the plot, because there really is not much of a plot. As expected, Cassie grows enormously. She has to bathe in a swimming pool. We appreciate that.
Cassie’s lab tech partner Kyle installs her in the gym. He is working on an antidote.
Brittany, desperate to match Cassie’s voluptutude, goes to the lab and confronts Kyle, stripping to her skivvies, insisting she get some of the great stuff. In a bizarre accident, she winds up with a syringe stuck in each of her tits.
Cassie finds some clothing to size adorning huge cheerleader statues by the stadium.
Skipping more of the none plot, giant Cassie and giant Brittany have it out on the field during the home-coming game. To the delight of the men in the stands, both lose their halter tops.
Kyle to the rescue. He injects Cassie and Brittany with the antidote, but Brittany gets a double dose and ends up a midget. Poetic justice, some would say.
Do I need to explain why this is a bad movie?